MONSTROUS PAIN
I never saw it coming!
The moments of darkness.
It was like lightning…
That stuck my brain in two,
And inflicted Monstrous Pain…
A pain I can’t grieve, but I can brief.
A pain that cuts deeper into my heart.
The pain that gave birth to a demon inside me.
My chest hurt, in short bursts.
A feeling I hope never happens to you.
Fueled by a combination.
A mixture of emotions and trembling,
A blend of despair and meltdown.
No one knows them!
Moments of drowning and tiredness…
Moments of hallucination and sleepless nights.
Moments of endless broken heartedness and anxiety!
Then the suicidal thoughts.
That keep pushing me to the blade.
And make me believe death is the only way to escape the pain.
It’s like my life is coming to a halt.
I’m losing myself.
Anger got the best of me.
My heart died inside me…
I’ve cried so many times.
Sobbing in silence.
Seeking deeper and deeper into fear and depression.
Oppressed by my feeling…
Belittled by the voices in my head.
Silently screaming for help…
Hoping for someone to hear,
But my screams cannot be heard.
Hoping and pleading it will stop.
It always seems to, when it wants to!
But, sometimes it seems unending,
And my hopes slowly wither.
There are times I feel so great.
Like not a thing is going wrong.
Like I’m on top of the world!
But this feeling doesn’t last or stay.
At least, not for very long.
For, there’s always a crumb left on my plate,
That quickly will unfurl.
I am shattered!
With varied feelings of being lost and with no way out.
The feelings that push me to throw in the towel.
In the midst of my darkest moments,
I heard a whisper…
“You matter”!
“You are strong”!
“That’s what I’m informed.”
But, l do not see that strength…
I try so hard to see the good,
That surrounds me every day…
But, I don’t feel it as I should,
And my happiness always fades.
Still, I’ll keep on living.
Trying so hard to hold my smile,
In a world that’s unforgiving.
Even if it only lasts a while.
I know I can beat you Monstrous pain.
#mentalhealthawarenessmonth
Ripfumelo is an ambitious and self-motivated individual who thrives on challenges and constantly sets objectives for herself. She's always looking for an opportunity to do better and achieve greatness.
